Found myself with a choice this year: Tote along two kids to a Super Bowl party in an apartment and wait for the inevitable moment that one would coat himself in guacamole, or stay home and have a Mom's-at-work Super Bowl party of our own in the living room (and by "party" I mean "one of them basically played 'Angry Birds' for two quarters and the other made me do my elephant impression 50 times," so really it was one of my odder Super Bowls anyway, even before the blackout nonsense). So, in a nutshell, live notes from my night watching Super Bowl 47 with two children both hopped up on chocolate milk:
• Well first of all, the watching of this entire ridiculous exercise is in jeopardy following the 9-year-old's discovery of "Iron Man" movies on cable. Prior to right now we've been vaguely aware of "Iron Man" movies, but specifically unaware that 1. Iron Man can fly and 2. Can shoot things from his hands and 3. Says hilarious things to everybody all the time.
• Welp, 20 minutes of Iron Man flying into space has turned into the invention of two more localized superheroes: Diamond Man, whose despite being 9 years old has a suit that is made of the hardest mineral on Earth and is also the refracting-est thing ever invented, and his aging sidekick Steel Man, who pitches in whenever his occasional neck pain and slightly elevated cholesterol will allow it. Diamond Man and Steel Man, who I would like to point out hail from the Justice League of Non-Copyright Infringement, just spent 20 minutes preventing crime in their own living room, but that's a pretty low-crime area, so we've taken to working out the obvious weight problems with my suit. There were also some concerns regarding the cost of Diamond Man's costume, which I imagine will be worked out in the origin story.
• Me: "How weird would it be if you and your brother ended up coaching against each other sometime?" 9-year-old: "It'd be really weird because I'm going to be an engineer when I grow up, not a football coach."
• The trailer for "The Lone Ranger" has a train in it. This pretty much guarantees a ticket purchase from Diamond Man.
• Gonna catch about 20 or so minutes of "Iron Man 2" while Alicia Keys finishes up this national anthem.
• Diamond Man and I are trying to decide who to root for here, given an absolute lack of reasons - real or arbitrary - either way. I think we're settling on the 49ers, since San Francisco is where the MythBusters are from. Better than any reason I've got, and no less ridiculous than most reasons that people like sports teams.
• 9-year-old: "What's a seven-passenger Santa Fe?" No idea, son. No idea.
• Oh good gravy, Iron Man is driving a race car over on FX. We're never watching this game again.
• OK so we've spent about the past 45 minutes alternating between Charlie Brown cartoons and something on the iPad called "Minecraft," a game that basically involves building things with blocks that - and here's the interesting part - never ends. I'm texting with a friend in DC, who believes inexplicably that I bear some sort of resemblance to Colin Kaepernick, "due to (your) biceps and tattoos." I mention that my son is mad at me because I'm not letting him watch "Iron Man 2." "Tell Jamey the game is boring," he instructs me, not looking up from building a cruise ship out of pixelated iPad blocks.
• What's everyone's stance on cereal for dinner? Hypothetically. His Highness opposes my reheated lasagna, which of course contains dozens of ingredients not found in spaghetti.
• The 9-year-old "doesn't know what kind of music" Beyonce is performing, but he does like the fire.
• Well, a 15-minute power outage is definitely a reason to switch back to "Iron Man 2."
• They need more power! Everyone pat faster! What, everyone else watched two episodes of "Little Einsteins" today too, right?
Jeff Vrabel thinks it was plenty bright enough to play a few lousy minutes of football, sissies. He can be reached at http://jeffvrabel.com and/or followed at http://twitter.com