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McPhersonSentinel - McPherson, KS
  • Now more than ever, we need survivalist gear

  • You can only expect it. Every time we have a brush with Armageddon, survivalist merchants think of new ways to pry open our wallets.
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  • You can only expect it. Every time we have a brush with Armageddon, survivalist merchants think of new ways to pry open our wallets.
    We're once again terrified of nuclear war. Another big meteor. There's a new bacterium with the potential to kill all of us. Our storms are huge. Obama and Congress are still playing Ping Pong with our money.
    Anybody in a plaid shirt is landing on TV talk shows and claiming our power, banking and food supplies will fail in nine months, after the IRS confiscates all of our retirement funds. Most of the crisis stories never ask for a second opinion, such as from the power, banking and food companies, and the IRS.
    That would spoil a good panic.
    I spent 12 minutes on my PC, which still is working, and discovered 17.3 million products under the Google "survivalist" tag. "You never really know, do you."
    • Vegetable Seeds for Survival: "When the food supply stops, there's a second chance." 10 packs (of last year's 89-cent seeds) for $69.95.
    • Government surplus inhalator: "Perfect for your home MASH unit" (don't hold your breath) at $35.
    • Survival Thermal Blanket: "It Fits in Your Wallet." Sounds like those 1970s $3 NASA plastic space sheets. $49.95.
    • Clover Honey: A "perfect survivalist barter item when money is worthless." One pound for $19.99, cash only.
    • Safety (stuffed) Bears: There's Crash, Black Out and Stash. Each has a zipper pouch to hide your gold and diamonds. $34.95 each.
    • Well-water pail: Hygienic, $61.99; unhygienic at Walmart, $4.39.
    • Survival Kit: "Two people, three days." No other description, except "send $219, fast."
    • Survival Ready Cookbook: It's "not dependent upon the power supply" to read, daylight only, $26.50.
    • Newbie sewing machines: "No motor!" This Chinese knockoff of a 1920 Singer machine is a steal at $161.99.
    • Survivalist Grow Your Own Tobacco: $6.65 per 15-seed pack, some assembly required.
    • Survivalist Marble Set: "For those long days without TV." The merchant obviously hopes you've lost yours, $62 the set.
    • Survivalist Graniteware Chamber Pot: A cold seat for $32.
    • Survivalist No Worry Curling Irons: "All you do is throw them in the fire." "Over my dead body," says my wife. $52 each.
    That's almost $1,500 plus S&H (these guys never charge tax), cheap for peace of mind, but don't try paying with barter honey.
    Contact Jim Hillibish at jim.hillibish@cantonrepcom.
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