An occupational hazard of working in the news business is getting press releases from political campaigns. I refuse to play favorites, but, admittedly, some are better than others. However, few of them really have anything I like to call “real news,” with the possible exceptions of an office opening, endorsements or announcing how much money they brought in. Don’t get me wrong. We’ll take them. However, something real and genuine, instead of snippy and self-satisfied would be nice.
Of course expecting reality in a political campaign is like expecting a hobbit on a unicorn to deliver a million dollars right to one’s door. Some things just aren’t going to happen, and it’s all right to accept that. It keeps one grounded in reality.
However, wouldn’t it just be utterly and completely awesome if a hobbit on a unicorn actually did gallop up to your door with a sack full of money? That would make my day. My outlook on life would change. I’d be a happier person if I lived in a world that allowed such wonders to exist.
Thus it is the same with campaigns. It would blow my mind to see a press release that actually contained at least an attempt at a plan on how to get the state out of its financial mess, or barring that, an attempt at a idea for any kind of policy.
In fact, let’s extend this past press releases, to the whole sordid world of campaign communication.
How many times have you seen someone calling themselves the “real” or ”true” something, as if it were self-evident? How many times have you seen or read campaign attack ads that go something like, “John Doe says he’s pro-family, but did you know he likes to roast and eat cute little puppies in front of a captive audience of preschoolers? Who’s he trying to fool?”
While the details are different, the general mood and effect remains the same. It’s not so much that you should vote for one person, it’s that the other person is a nightmare. Or, to quote a favorite TV show, it’s become almost about “the lesser of who cares?”
So, in the interests of alleviating my own frustrations, this is what I’d say if it were me. I’m not running for office, nor do I plan to. But, as long as we’re in the world of make-believe with hobbits, unicorns and money for nothing, here’s what I’d say if I were running:
“Hi, I’m Sean and I’m running for (insert office). I know we’re facing a lot of problems right now, and, to be honest, I can’t fix any of them. I know my opponent says he or she can, and you’re free to believe that if you want, but seriously, it can’t be done by one person. Having surveyed the field, I can say that as a single, junior member of (insert legislative body), I probably won’t have a lot of say or influence. I’ll be stuck in some no-name committee for most of my term, and, if re-elected, I’ll probably move to a slightly more senior position on the same no-name committee. I can’t bring back jobs, lower taxes, trim the deficit, fight the power, or fulfill any of the unrealistically high expectations that have been fostered onto an electorate that’s been far too busy living with the problems people like me are currently exploiting, and prolonging, in the hopes of getting a vote out of you.”
“So, in the hopes of not wasting your time, these are the only promises I can make, the only statements worth saying and the only news worth mentioning. If elected, I’ll just do the best job I can. I’ll keep my door open. I’ll listen when you talk. If I see a place where I can help, I will. I won’t treat you like idiots. I’ll level with you. If, in (insert term of office), you find someone you like better, fire me and hire them. It’s all really up to you anyway. However, I won’t stand up here and pretend like I have all, or even some of the answers. I don’t. However, if we can all pull our heads out of our posteriors, get our hands dirty, not expect government to simultaneously save us and leave us alone, learn to work together again, find the common ground and not care who gets the credit, maybe we can all do some good for ourselves and our (insert locale).”
You probably won’t hear that, though. You probably wouldn’t even vote for it. However, wouldn’t it be nice, even if it were just once, to have someone running for office just level with you?
Maybe when the unicorn riding hobbit with a sackful of money comes to my door, he’ll have that too. Until then, enjoy the show
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An occupational hazard of working in the news business is getting press releases from political campaigns. I refuse to play favorites, but, admittedly, some are better than others. However, few of them really have anything I like to call “real news,” with the possible exceptions of an office opening, endorsements or announcing how much money they brought in. Don’t get me wrong. We’ll take them. However, something real and genuine, instead of snippy and self-satisfied would be nice.
Of course expecting reality in a political campaign is like expecting a hobbit on a unicorn to deliver a million dollars right to one’s door. Some things just aren’t going to happen, and it’s all right to accept that. It keeps one grounded in reality.
However, wouldn’t it just be utterly and completely awesome if a hobbit on a unicorn actually did gallop up to your door with a sack full of money? That would make my day. My outlook on life would change. I’d be a happier person if I lived in a world that allowed such wonders to exist.
Thus it is the same with campaigns. It would blow my mind to see a press release that actually contained at least an attempt at a plan on how to get the state out of its financial mess, or barring that, an attempt at a idea for any kind of policy.
In fact, let’s extend this past press releases, to the whole sordid world of campaign communication.
How many times have you seen someone calling themselves the “real” or ”true” something, as if it were self-evident? How many times have you seen or read campaign attack ads that go something like, “John Doe says he’s pro-family, but did you know he likes to roast and eat cute little puppies in front of a captive audience of preschoolers? Who’s he trying to fool?”
While the details are different, the general mood and effect remains the same. It’s not so much that you should vote for one person, it’s that the other person is a nightmare. Or, to quote a favorite TV show, it’s become almost about “the lesser of who cares?”
So, in the interests of alleviating my own frustrations, this is what I’d say if it were me. I’m not running for office, nor do I plan to. But, as long as we’re in the world of make-believe with hobbits, unicorns and money for nothing, here’s what I’d say if I were running:
“Hi, I’m Sean and I’m running for (insert office). I know we’re facing a lot of problems right now, and, to be honest, I can’t fix any of them. I know my opponent says he or she can, and you’re free to believe that if you want, but seriously, it can’t be done by one person. Having surveyed the field, I can say that as a single, junior member of (insert legislative body), I probably won’t have a lot of say or influence. I’ll be stuck in some no-name committee for most of my term, and, if re-elected, I’ll probably move to a slightly more senior position on the same no-name committee. I can’t bring back jobs, lower taxes, trim the deficit, fight the power, or fulfill any of the unrealistically high expectations that have been fostered onto an electorate that’s been far too busy living with the problems people like me are currently exploiting, and prolonging, in the hopes of getting a vote out of you.”
“So, in the hopes of not wasting your time, these are the only promises I can make, the only statements worth saying and the only news worth mentioning. If elected, I’ll just do the best job I can. I’ll keep my door open. I’ll listen when you talk. If I see a place where I can help, I will. I won’t treat you like idiots. I’ll level with you. If, in (insert term of office), you find someone you like better, fire me and hire them. It’s all really up to you anyway. However, I won’t stand up here and pretend like I have all, or even some of the answers. I don’t. However, if we can all pull our heads out of our posteriors, get our hands dirty, not expect government to simultaneously save us and leave us alone, learn to work together again, find the common ground and not care who gets the credit, maybe we can all do some good for ourselves and our (insert locale).”
You probably won’t hear that, though. You probably wouldn’t even vote for it. However, wouldn’t it be nice, even if it were just once, to have someone running for office just level with you?
Maybe when the unicorn riding hobbit with a sackful of money comes to my door, he’ll have that too. Until then, enjoy the show
