May is Fibromyalgia Awareness Month and for the first time, I’m telling my story.

In 1993, after the birth of my second daughter, something wasn’t right. My body ached constantly, exhaustion weighed me down, and panic attacks struck without warning. I didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew that something was wrong. Like so many others with chronic illness, my search for answers led me to countless doctor visits and emergency room trips. Instead of compassion, I was met with frustration. Medical professionals dismissed my pain, suggesting it was anxiety, overreaction, or simply in my head. One visit remains seared into my memory. My primary care doctor looked at me and yelled, “What the hell is wrong with you?!” Tears welled up as I murmured the only response I could, “That’s what you’re supposed to tell me.”

Eventually, an ER doctor discovered that I had hypothyroidism, explaining my panic attacks. A therapist confirmed that my anxiety wasn’t psychological but rather a reaction to my body’s distress. Finally, after years of feeling unheard and ignored, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. That moment was a relief. I wasn’t imagining my suffering. I wasn’t “crazy.” There was something wrong, and I had known it all along.

For the next decade, I managed to live my life relatively normally. Then, everything changed. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and endured surgery to completely remove my thyroid. That was followed by radioactive iodine treatment to ensure the cancer was gone. During my isolation, waiting for radiation levels to drop so I could safely reunite with my children, something shifted. My fibromyalgia symptoms intensified almost overnight. It felt like I had aged 50 years in a single week. The radiation left me with rotting teeth and hair loss that never reversed, but the worst impact was the intense pain that became my daily reality.

Fibromyalgia is unpredictable. It doesn’t follow a schedule, and it doesn’t listen to reason. Traditional medications don’t work for me, leaving me with little choice but to listen to my body and rest when needed. But rest isn’t always an option when a job, family, and obligations demand attention. No matter how exhausted or broken I feel, the world doesn’t stop for me. Over the years, I’ve lost friendships, not because I wanted to but because people grew tired of hearing me say no. They didn’t understand that I wasn’t rejecting them, I simply couldn’t push my body beyond its limits again. My daughters have felt the impact too. My older children knew an adventurous, energetic mom. My youngest, however, has only known a mom who prefers quiet crafts and board games. The guilt of that difference weighs heavily on me.

Fibromyalgia and chronic pain change every aspect of life. If you know someone living with it, here’s what they want you to understand.

• We try. We aren’t lazy, we’re sick and it hurts.
• We feel guilty. We want to contribute, to be active, to feel like we used to.
• We mourn our past selves. Losing hobbies, energy, and mobility is a quiet grief no one sees.
• We fear abandonment. Chronic illness can make us feel like a burden, afraid of pushing people away.
• We sacrifice for you. When we spend time with you, it means you truly matter. We ration our limited energy carefully.
• We fluctuate. Just because we could manage yesterday doesn’t mean we can today.
• We need to be believed. Saying, “It can’t be that bad,” dismisses the silent war we fight daily.
• If you think living with someone who has chronic illness is difficult, imagine being that person. Imagine waking up every day uncertain of how much pain you’ll endure, how many responsibilities you’ll struggle to meet, and how much your body will betray you.

If you have just received a fibromyalgia diagnosis, know that the road ahead will be challenging, but you are not alone. Listen to your body, even when life pushes you to keep going beyond your limits. Rest when you need to, and don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your health. Surround yourself with supportive people who truly understand. True friends will stay, even when things get hard. Give yourself grace on the days when it feels overwhelming. You are not weak, and you are not failing. You are surviving, and that is enough.

This Fibromyalgia Awareness Month, I ask one thing of you. Give us your understanding. It’s the one gift that makes our struggles a little easier to bear.